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If Letterman's extortionist wins an Emmy, here's his speech

Thursday, 15 July 2010
How does David Letterman feel? He was passed over for an Emmy and yet today comes word that Joe Halderman – the man who tried to extort him – is nominated.

Halderman’s nominated for producing a segment of 48 HOURS.

If he wins, I hope they let him out of prison for the night to accept the award and that he gets to give the speech. This is what I think it should be:

Wow! I wasn’t expecting this. Thank you. Other than being imprisoned on felony charges this has been some great year. Lots of people to thank. The TV Academy, everyone at CBS, Warden Sommers for allowing me to be here tonight, especially since this is the night I work the back sink Certainly my crew. You guys are the best. A couple have even visited me. Hey, when I get out I’ve got some real ringers for our softball team.

I’d like to thank Amanda Knox. This courageous woman was falsely accused of murder and proven to be innocent. We at 48 HOURS were proud to tell her story. I hope to thank her personally. We now have the same lawyer.

This statue means a lot to me, both because it’s from my peers and secondly because it’s heavy. With this baby in my mitt maybe once I’ll be able to take a shower without six uninvited guys washing my back.

Believe me, I’ll cherish this forever. There are not enough carton of cigarettes in the world that would tempt me to trade it.

Well, my ankle bracelet is beeping, guess it’s time to go. Again, thank you. And to all inmates everywhere – never give up that dream!!!

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