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Missed deadline alert: Whitney Houston is still alive.

Saturday, 16 July 2011
Whitney Houston is not the most popular hot mess in the tabloids in the past few years. She trails Charlie Sheen, Lindsay Lohan and several Teen Moms in that category. But she is among the youngest people slated for death multiple times. (Casey Anthony has been called suicidal and recently "marked for death", so she's now the youngest.) Last July, the Enquirer had a story that one of her "friends" said she would be dead within months. Technically, we will all be dead within months, hopefully several hundred months. But I decided that "within months" should be construed as "less than a year", and by that interpretation, she has outlived a tabloid deadline.

When it comes to deadlines, the vultures of the tabloids are just as incompetent as they are at predicting deaths in general. The only win was a story saying this year would be the last birthday for Miss Elizabeth Taylor. The next closest thing was saying Elizabeth Edwards had six months to live when she actually survived for eight months. Everyone else on the expiration list is still alive. This is their seventh failure, which gives them a batting average of .125, a number that officially sucks eggs.



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