Publication: Globe
Date: 8 August 2011

This picture is on the cover of the Globe this week, but the young man accused of killing his mother is not named. The headline promises six examples of kids killing their parents inside.

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Publication: National Examiner
Date: 1 August 2011

It's the dog days of summer, so this afternoon the stories are all about dogs. The low rent Examiner tells us that low rent reality TV star Dog the Bounty Hunter got into a bloody barroom brawl.

And I always thought of him as a level headed and upstanding gentleman.

No, wait, I must be thinking of someone else. It'll come to me.

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Publication: National Examiner
Date: 1 August 2011

The low rent Examiner tells a true story this week, also reported by reputable news agencies, that Willie Nelson faces jail time because as they put it, "Judge throws the book at country star".

Here are the details, found online. Willie smokes the herb. We already knew that. He got caught smoking and was put on trial. He's an old guy, and a famous one to boot, so the trial judge said that instead of jail time, Willie could come by the court house and sing Blue Eyes Cryin' In The Rain. ANOTHER butt-inski judge hears about this, says it isn't fair because other people caught smoking herb aren't given this option and, just to be fair, gives the 78 year old singer two years in jail.

You know, just to be fair. Because if we don't apply our stupid draconian laws fairly, people will stop having respect for them.

Through no fault of the low rent Examiner, this is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

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Publication: Globe
Date: 25 July 2011

Welcome to gossip hell, Mister Tony Bennett! The singer, painter and national treasure, who will turn 85 next month, has his name dragged through the mud by the Globe. They write about a new "tell-all book" that details Mister Bennett's ties to the mob, his drug use and cheating.

I have made a new label, Call Him Mister, especially for this story. Many ladies have gotten the "Call Her Miss" treatment on this blog, wonderful stars who have been around long enough they should be off limits to the garbage peddlers of the supermarket checkout rags. Mister Bennett is the first of his gender to get similar treatment here.

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

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Publications: In Touch, OK!
Date: 25 July 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Teen Mom nonsense abides. I report with no further comment.

• OK!: Maci & Kyle Split: She's still in loved with Ryan
• In Touch: Teen Mom dating disasters!
  In love with cheaters, druggies and a killer!
  Leah: Since Corey left, she's hooking up with three different guys!
  Farrah: Can't stop crying over new violent bad boy
  Maci: Wedding on hold! Why her ex Ryan is to blame
  
  

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Publication: Star
Date: 18 July 2011

The cover of the Star is dominated by three divorce stories mentioned in the post just above this one, but they also have a teaser for another story about Hollywood divorce lawyers spilling their secrets about other clients. There is no artwork with this story because it's a "Guess who?" kind of deal. Here are the headlines.

• Cross-Dressing!
• Caught with the Nanny!
• Murder by Hit Man
• & more shocking secrets!
  

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Publication: National Examiner
Date: 18 July 2011

While most of the crime news has centered on Casey Anthony, the low rent Examiner devotes space on the front page to the arrest of Whitey Bulger, the gangster who had been missing for 16 years. His longtime girlfriend Cathy Greig was a key to his being discovered in Santa Monica, not because she ratted him but because she was still doing the same job she did before (dental hygenist) and had the same hobby (dog grooming).

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Publication: Star magazine
Date: 4 July 2011

Star is claiming an exclusive about a story already printed by other news outlets, that Ryan O'Neal was caught with an Andy Warhol painting of Farrah Fawcett, currently valued at $30 million.

Farrah left her entire art collection to the University of Texas, but the Warhol had been missing. A film crew in O'Neal's house showed that the picture was prominently displayed, so mystery solved.

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Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 4 July 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! The Enquirer says a "pal" of O.J.'s has reported that O.J. confessed to the murders from seventeen years ago when he talked recently to Oprah Winfrey.

It's complete horseshit. Oprah denies it up and down.

When you think that those murders happened seventeen years ago, do you feel a little old? Yeah, me too.

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Publication: Star
Date: 4 July 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! There's a lot of "exclusive" stories on the covers this week, and this one is an "exclusive" I have already read about online. Several well-known actors have a private high stakes home poker game, which is illegal. The guy who ratted them out is Brad Ruderman, a bankrupt hedge fund manager now being charged with running a ponzi scheme. The guy being named in most of the stories is Tobey Maguire, but the other regular players include DiCaprio and Ben Affleck.

Tip to people with home poker games. Set some standards. Hedge fund managers are exactly the riff-raff with whom you don't want to be associated.

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Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 20 June 2011

The Enquirer has been the source on every story but one since the beginning of 2010 about John Edwards, and even that story was more about Elizabeth than it was about him. Now there's a fresh story that her video testimony will be damning in a court of law.

I don't know anything more about legal matters than what I watch on TV, but doesn't the defense have a right to cross-examine any witness? It will be interesting to see if any evidence like this actually sees the light of day.

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Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 13 June 2011

Now that legitimate news sources are paying attention to the John Edwards situation, the Enquirer, the publication that pushed this story the hardest, is trying to stay ahead of the curve. They say Rielle Hunter has dumped his butt and will testify against him.

Couldn't happen to a more deserving guy, but she's not likely to have all the details on the money trail, and that's the part of the story that will decide the case.

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Publication: Washington Post
Date: 3 June 2011

Last week, a source told the Associated Press the indictment of John Edwards for misusing campaign funds to pay off his mistress and her love child could come "within days". Nine days later, the indictment has come down. Edwards, like any normal citizen and especially like any former trial lawyer, has already said he will plead not guilty.

Fourteen months ago, the Enquirer said he was going to jail and Fox News picked up the story. Neither of them get a "confirmed" just yet.

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Publication: Associated Press
Date: 25 May 2011

The Associated Press reports that the Justice Department may be finally getting around to indicting John Edwards on the charge that he used campaign money to hush up the paternity of his love child. They said the indictment could be coming down "within days".

Recall that the National Enquirer said he would be going to jail fifteen months ago. There is some difference between an indictment and a jail sentence and Edwards' lawyer is not going down without a fight.

More on this story as it develops.

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Publication: National Examiner
Date: 9 May 2011

Welcome to gossip hell, Nicolas Cage! The 47 year old Oscar winner was arrested in New Orleans for public drunkenness. This was reported by several legitimate news outlets and is now being repeated by the low rent Examiner.

His bail was posted by Dog the Bounty Hunter.

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Publication: Globe
Date: 25 April 2011

The Globe says Caylee Anthony's granddad has been forced to defend himself from charges that he murdered the toddler, not her mom Casey who stands trial.

Why he was forced is unclear because the trial doesn't start until next month.

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Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 25 April 2011

When Joran van der Sloot was captured in Peru last year, the Enquirer and People put him on the cover, identifying him as Natalee Holloway's likely killer. Since then, the only magazine that has mentioned Natalee has been the Enquirer. This week, they say van der Sloot's dad was complicit in hiding the evidence. Here are the sub-headlines.

• Tossed her body in a corpse filled casket
• FBI finds murder details on his computer
  

Last June, the Enquirer said they had found her grave. That was a lie. In November, they said she was buried alive. No evidence there either, but that has never stood in the way of the Enquirer when there is a grisly story to be told.

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Publication: Globe
Date: 25 April 2011

Three stories this week make it look like the dogs from the AMI kennel really want to get thick fingered vulgarian Donald Trump elected president, and all of the Three Wicked Step Sister tabloids are involved. The Globe prints a story that is actually true, which for these three publications is a refreshing change. Robert Titcomb, a friend of Barack Hussein Huggy Bear Obama since high school, was charged with trying to hire a hooker in Hawaii.

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Publication: National Examiner
Date: 18 April 2011

The low rent Examiner puts their own slant on the true story that John Hinckley, Jr., the attempted assassin of Ronald Reagan, is still in a mental institution but is awarded many freedoms, including visits with his mom. On some of his trips, he is not escorted by people from the institution, but he is always followed by the Secret Service.

According to the low rent Examiner, the widow Reagan is horrified.

Well, good. She has been a stone cold bitch to everyone on the planet who initials aren't Ronald Wilson Reagan, and if she lives out her last few years in fear and sadness, it's no more than she deserves.

Not that I feel strongly about this.

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