Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 8 August 2011

JonBenet Ramsey was murdered 15 years ago. Her mom Patsy Ramsey died five years ago. JonBenet's father John got re-married recently and the Enquirer thinks this is news.

While a young girl died, this isn't like Casey Anthony. The cops and the district attorney never had enough evidence to put anyone on trial and they came forward to exonerate the family, though some members of the press and the public have never accepted this.

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Publications: OK!, In Touch, Us Weekly, National Enquirer
Date: 8 August 2011

The stories this week about The Bachelorette either focus on Ashley or on J.P. Here are the headlines about her.

• National Enquirer: Bachelorette was rigged!
  Ashley's fake script and tears
• Us Weekly: Bachelorette Exclusive: Ashley says yes!
  

And the ones about J.P.

• OK!: The Bachelorette: J.P.'s secrets revealed
• In Touch: JP's secret double life
  Ashley fooled again!
  He's still madly in love with his ex, Stephanie
  A shocking celeb hook-up
  The real reason he went on the show
  Why marrying him could be Ashley's worst mistake ever!
  

This is why the gossip rags love the reality shows. They can write whatever they want without fear of losing access.

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Publications: People, National Enquirer, Star, Us Weekly, In Touch, OK!
Date: 8 August 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Amy Winehouse was a fixture in the British tabloids, but she was barely noticed in recent years on this side of the Atlantic until she died last week. Now there are six cover stories about her. Here are the headlines.

• OK!: Amy Winehouse's tragic death
  Her Last Interview (Exclusive)
• Us Weekly: Amy Winehouse - Her Lonely Last Days
• In Touch: Amy Winehouse - Her Final Interview
• Star: Amy Winehouse - Fight before fatal drug binge
• People: Amy Winehouse dead at 27
  Talent and Tragedy
  Her Final Days
  The singer's anguished life and why those who loved her could not prevent her tragic death
  "It was only a matter of time", said her mom
• National Enquirer: Amy Winehouse was pregnant when she died!

Stay classy, Enquirer!

Best wishes to the family and friends of Amy Winehouse, from a fan.

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Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 1 August 2011

Fresh trash tomorrow! Last trash of the week... right now!

The idea of this blog is to keep track of the narrative behind the seemingly random headlines in the supermarket rags. One strong theme has been the National Enquirer's hatred for Scientologists, most especially fat Scientologists. Tom Cruise they leave alone for the most part. (Other mags have it in for him.) Jenna Elfman is not a topic of conversation at all. But Lisa Marie Presley, Kirstie Alley and John Travolta... nothing but hate, hate, hate for them.

Except maybe this week. They do hate on Lisa Marie, saying she's hit rock bottom, but they also say her pal Travolta is rushing in to save her.

The Enquirer has done some serious dumping on Travolta. He's gay, he's cheating on his wife, he abandoned his family, he's fat, he's going bald, you name it. But at least they admit that he does try to do outreach to people he knows who are in trouble. There was also a story about him trying to help Jeff Conaway a week before Conaway died.

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Publications: National Enquirer, Globe
Date: 1 August 2011

Two of the Three Wicked Step Sister tabloids are trying to keep the outrage over the Casey Anthony verdict fueled. Here are the headlines.

• National Enquirer: Casey loses $5 mil blood money deal after bitter public backlash
  Caylee's revenge!
  Plus: her new look revealed
• Globe: Casey Anthony: Proof she got away with murder!
  Former prosecutor's bombshell charge!
  Five key piece of evidence HIDDEN from jury
  PLUS: Judge banned shocking Casey video
  

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Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 1 August 2011

While other gossip sources show interest in the Olsen twins, young and allegedly worth billions while looking like heroin addicts, the Only Ten Magazines That Matter have left them alone for the most part. The Enquirer says this week that Mary Kate, whose last big brush with tabloid fame came when she was allegedly the last person to see Heath Ledger alive way back in early 2008, had a tearful public breakdown and they have exclusive pictures.

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Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 1 August 2011

The Flagship has three stories in one about celebrities in trouble on the cover this week, but because there are so few stories in general - especially because of the J. Lo divorce and the Lachey-Minnillo wedding - all three will get separate treatment.

According to the Enquirer, Kate Middleton collapsed on the recent tour and her husband has ordered bed rest, what with him being an old fashioned future monarch and all.

Lucky he didn't send her to the Tower. He can do that, you know. Sadly, he can't do it to Rupert Murdoch.

(Psych. The royals actually can't do that anymore.)

This is a nominee for Meanest story of the Week.

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Publications: People, OK!, Weekly Life & Style, In Touch, Star, Us Weekly, National Enquirer
Date: 1 August 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Easily the biggest story of the week is the divorce of Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony with mentions on seven of ten supermarket rag covers. Here are the headlines.

• People: : J. Lo and Marc Anthony: Their marriage explodes
  The real story
  Their constant fighting
  rumors of infidelity
  jealousy issues
  what's next?
• OK!: J Lo's divorce shocker!
  Marc's been seeing his sexy ex-wife!
• In Touch: J. Lo's agony
  Marc's jealous rage
• Star: Inside J. Lo's bitter $250 million divorce
  Sexless nights
  Other women, other men
  Final screaming match
• Weekly Life & Style: $300 M divorce
  The cheating rumors that tore them apart
• Us Weekly: Cheating and Lies
  Her side of the story
  Marc caught with stewardess
  Screaming fights about flirting with costars
  A secret e-mail to Ben Affleck
  His desperate need to control her
• National Enquirer: J. Lo caught!
  Did this photo end their marriage?
  

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Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 26 July 2011

Fresh trash tomorrow! Last trash of the week... right now!

The Enquirer reports that Paula Abdul's new fella is a former heroin addict.

I looked online for his name. He's Jeff Bratton. He owns a record label. In my book, that makes him lower than a heroin addict, but that's just me.

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Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 25 July 2011

The Enquirer threw a dart at a board full of celebrity names and decided to make James Brolin's life a living hell. Back in March, they reported on trouble in his marriage to Barbra Streisand, and now they have a picture of someone they say is Brolin's son, a big guy - they say 300 lbs., could be more - who looks developmentally disabled, who is now living out of his truck.

Before you ask, no, it's not Josh Brolin. Say what you will about him, he's not fat.

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Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 25 July 2011

Welcome to gossip hell, Miss Della Reese! The Enquirer has a story about the 80 year old singer and actress "caught up" in an IRS probe of her church, where funds have gone missing. I have found no independent confirmation of this story online, so I'm assuming they are way over the line.

Just in case anyone from the Enquirer reads this blog, let me quote The Wire to express my disapproval. You just shot the Sunday crown off of a colored lady. If you ever run into the ghost of Stringer Bell, I'm sure he'll let you know how inadvisable that is.

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

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Publications: National Enquirer, National Examiner, Globe, Star, In Touch
Date: 25 July 2010

If we ignore the Sun, which is usually about the end of the world, the five meanest gossip rags are the other four published by AMI (National Enquirer, the low rent Examiner, Globe, Star) and In Touch. All five of those have Casey Anthony stories this week. Here are the headlines.

• In Touch: Casey and her lawyer: getting physical!
• National Examiner: Casey Anthony verdict: what do you think?
• Globe: Casey Anthony marked for death!
  Chilling threat targets Monster Mom
• Star: Casey Anthony ca$hing in (OUTRAGE!)
• National Enquirer: Casey Anthony Wedding Bombshell
  Secret new life of America's most hated woman
  Another baby to replace Caylee
  $50K plastic surgery makeover
  Where she'll live and more

For a little outrage overspill, the Enquirer has a picture of the judge in the case and a story from his mistress blabbing about his cheating.

This is a lot of stories, but only counts as a single week's coverage by my way of counting. We will see if she remains gossip-worthy as the year continues.

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Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 18 July 2011

Fresh trash tomorrow! Last trash of the week... right now!

The Enquirer has its second homosexual speculation cover of the year with a lot of people who haven't been mentioned in any context in the supermarket rags in a year and a half.

Here are the supermarket rag newbies.

• Vin Diesel
• Sarah Silverman (seen kissing Jessica Biel)
• Amy Yasbeck (identified as John Ritter's widow, also shown kissing a woman)

Here are people who have been mention in the tabloids before, though none had been in one of these big gay (or not) line-ups before.

• Jessica Biel (kissing Sarah Silverman)
  
• Kiefer Sutherland (kissing some guy)
• Hines Ward (winner of Dancing With The Stars)
• Wynonna Judd (who allegedly has a gay secret)
• Vanna White (why she's still single)
  

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Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 18 July 2011

The rest of the media has moved on from the Chris Hansen sex scandal, but the Enquirer still has some more dirt, this time in the form of "exclusive" nude photos Hansen sent to the phone of his mistress.

It's times like this when I wish a scandal like the one that happened at News of the World in the U.K. could happen over here and we could see one of these rags crash and burn in the space of a week.

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Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 18 July 2011

Oprah Winfrey is just a story or two away from breaking into the top ten for most cover appearances, almost all of them on the Three Wicked Step Sisters, the Enquirer, Globe and the low rent Examiner. This week, it's the Flagship taking pot shots at her, saying she now weighs 271 pounds and she underwent a secret four hour surgery to save her life.

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

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Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 11 July 2011

The real news about Casey Anthony is the jury is now deliberating in her murder case. The probably not real news is that she is pregnant, according to the not very reliable Enquirer.

Since this statement was made in July, I won't be checking its veracity until next March, but my guess is it's nonsense.

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Publications: In Touch, Weekly Life & Style, OK!, National Enquirer
Date: 11 July 2011

Four supermarket rags this week are covering The Bachelorette. The only surprise is the Enquirer, which doesn't pay that much attention to this particular show.
Here are the headlines.

• Weekly Life & Style: Bachelorette Ashley betrayed again!
  Still reeling from Bentley's cruel taunts, Ashley has her heart broken again as it's revealed her future fiance has a secret girlfriend back home.
  Heartthrobs turned heart breakers - Ames, J.P., Ryan
• In Touch: Ashley update: caught with J.P.
• National Enquirer: Ashley is a runaway bride
  
• OK!: Poor Ashley discovers she was being used for fame

Maybe I'm just naturally cruel, but I actually laughed at the OK! headline. What "fame" did Ashley have? Oh yeah, she was selected to be on reality TV, and paid a boatload of money to do it, so "poor" is not the best description of the young woman.

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Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 11 July 2011

The Enquirer continues their war on fat Scientologists with a story that Benjamin Travolta, the new baby of John Travolta and Kelly Preston, is autistic. Here are the headlines.

• Doctor tells all
• John and Kelly in marriage counseling
• All their secrets
  

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

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Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 11 July 2011

Chris Hansen, the guy from To Catch A Predator who videotapes men coming into homes with the hope of sweet talking some underaged girl into bed, has been caught on videotape sweet talking a woman past age of consent, but said woman is not his wife. Unlike most stories in the supermarket rags, this one has gained traction quickly in the mainstream press and qualifies as Scoop of the Week.

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Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 4 July 2011

Fresh trash tomorrow! Last trash of the week... right now!

Teresa Guidice of The Real Housewives of New Jersey has a husband going to jail and has recently filed for bankruptcy. The Enquirer wants you to know she hid away enough money to get $40,000 worth of plastic surgery.

Is there some procedure that will give you a forehead if you are forehead impaired? That would be the first thing I'd recommend working on.

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