Shopping at the Sky Mall

Been traveling a lot lately so I got a chance to peruse the new SKY MALL magazine. It’s perfect for finding that special holiday gift at five times what you should pay for it.

But in the spirit, here are some of the items that caught my eyes this year. Note: all of these are real.

ACULIFE – Self-acupuncture kit. Their slogan should be “Instead of letting us stick it to you, stick it to yourself”. $199.95

SMART BELT BUCKLE – Features a slot to store your credit cards to avoid theft. At $59.95, if you buy this you’ve already been robbed.

THE WATER SQUIRTING REMOTE CONTROLLED CAR -- $99.95. Water not included.

THE LEARN TO PLAY BANJO – For the savvy guy who wants to get laid and knows that women are powerless to resist musicians. $199.95

THE STAINLESS STEEL WALLET – The chief complaint about leather wallets is that they’re not resistant to seawater. Well, your problem is solved!   $89.95

THE TEMPLE AND EYE MASSAGER -- Comes in Swedish, Deep Tissue, and Shiatsu models. $149.95

THE REMOTE CONTROLLED TARANTULA – Scurries across the floor on command. It’s the most useful $29.95 item you can ever buy!

ADJUSTABLE SHEEPSKIN SLIPPERS – Ideal for leaving the igloo to get the morning paper. $49.95

THE CHILDREN’S ELECTRIC 1948 INDIAN MOTORCYCLE – For ages 3-6. Chains, helmet, and 1948 trashy biker chick are extra. $149.95

THE ALWAYS COOL PILLOW – Either it means that the pillow is refrigerated or it will never go out of fashion. $69.95

THE DUTCH DOOR LOG CRIB – Just like Lincoln used to have. $249.95

THE SHINE ENHANCING GENUINE BOAR BRISTLE BRUSH – Expensive but costly to manufacture. You try shaving a boar. $79.95

CATNIX WORKSPACE PARTICIANS – Or… “two portable screens you could get anywhere or just make yourself". Flank your monitor with them and cats won’t walk across your keyboard.  It's either this or giving away the cat.  $37.99

ROCK LAMPS – Perfect for the Flintstones décor that is so popular these days. $39.99

SOCK MONKEY HAT AND MITTENS – It’s the cry for help that keeps your warm! $29.95 each.

If these or any other SKY MALL product attracts your attention, make note of it, and when you get home buy it on line for half of what the SM charges. And with the money you save you can buy that bag of potato chips American Airlines offers for only $3.29.